October 5 Triacastela to Sarria 18.2 km.

I woke up in Triacastela feeling like I had a good night of sleep, yet still felt tired. I had covered just over 20 miles the day before. I must have been itching to get to Santiago as I had walked seven days straight without a thought of taking a rest day. I think my body was beginning to feel it. Thankfully, I was planning to only go as far as Sarria less than 20 kilometers away (about 11.5 miles).

I felt like an emotional pinball machine. The day before I felt like I had gotten some real clarity about my core identity. Thinking about all the transitions I had experienced and even initiated, I realized that I was wired for living life as a pilgrim. I think it took me so long to accept this because I had received so many cultural and family messages that “success” looked like settling down, putting roots down, and building a stable and secure life.

But as hard as I tried to fit that mold every time I was forced to choose between security and following my heart, I always chose the latter. After three decades of puzzling over the pattern, it finally made sense to me. I was wired for living life as a pilgrim of sorts.

I realized that I still wanted to build a life or have a life. I walked feeling like I had answered one major question, but left another question lingering. “How does one build a life when constantly looking for the next opportunity for growth, the chance to discover more about the world and myself, and carrying a walking stalk and backpack either metaphorically or literally?”

Beautiful terrain for walking and reflection

I thought about Native American cultures whose lives were dictated by the availability and the movement of the buffalo. My assumption was that they didn’t seem troubled by this question, “Why can’t we settle down?” Movement and transition was a way of life.

I wondered if I had allowed cultural messages to take root in my psyche telling me that a successful person climbs a professional ladder, buys a house, and saves for the future. But as much as I tried to fit into that mold I was also a preacher who was reminded at least on a weekly basis that Jesus’ security was never in financial security or professional success. His sole purpose was to serve God and go wherever he was most needed. In fact, in the Gospel of Matthew Jesus is purported to have said, “Foxes have holes and the birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head.”

I still wanted to have that feeling of “having a life,” but now with my new awareness I wondered if that meant less about putting roots down in a certain place and lifestyle and more about finding community among people who could understand, appreciate and accept the pilgrim nature of my life. I wasn’t sure what that meant. Did that mean staying in touch through the miracle of social media with family and friends no matter where I was in the world? Did it mean building a new community among nomad-like people? Did it mean finding a companion who had just as much love for the road as I had?

I didn’t have all the answers yet, but I was grateful for the discoveries coming my way in this, the fourth week of the Camino. If I continued at the pace I had been walking I would arrive in Santiago in one week’s time—about 125 kilometers (78 miles). But I wasn’t concerned about how far I had to go or how long it might take. I was enjoying being present to what was right in front of me. I was aware that this was coming to an end and, if my mind was too much in future I would miss the gifts that were right in front of me in the form of pilgrim people, good food, amazing terrain, and ongoing psychological discoveries.

A reminder at a wayside stop to be present to the moment right in front of us.

Additional pictures from the day:

Whispers from the Camino—Day 31

Pedal Pilgrim

Whispers from the Camino—Day 31

Whispers from the Camino—Day 30

Pedal Pilgrim