Whispers from the Camino—Day 19

September 23. Carrion de los Condes to Terradillos de los Templarios. 26 km.

“Go deep, Brian, not big.”

The morning start

That phrase must have been working on me in my sleep. I had spent much of this pilgrimage trying to craft a future that would satisfy my complex longings. I had allowed grief to settle into my bones for a period as I thought about my most recent experience with the presbytery as well as a handful of past church ministries.

With the theme of going deep swirling around in my brain, I suddenly had this thought, “Maybe my whole ministry is supposed to be one of planting seeds. Maybe I have been evaluating myself by what I felt I was supposed to produce or achieve, when in reality I may be best wired for planting seeds and then letting someone else do the watering and tending.”

Sunrise on the trail

It seemed to fit my pattern of intensive bursts of work in two to three-year cycles where I flooded congregations with lots of information, creative possibilities and an invitation to step into the something new they were asking for. But, invariably, on many occasions I needed to step back and give those same congregations enough space and time to process. In other words, maybe I have always been a seed planter, but didn’t know it.

I have 20 more pictures like this. The all day scenery.

It was interesting how much emotional shifting I was experiencing out on the Meseta on the Camino. The Meseta is an approximately 200 km plain known for its flat terrain, wheat fields, sunflowers and a wide open expanse. It really is the perfect landscape for internal processing and is often considered the heart of the Camino experience.

I remember having a similar feel back in 2011 when I crossed the Nevada desert on bike as part of a 4,000-mile cycling pilgrimage. Once again, the barrenness of the landscape pitches one’s mind, heart, soul and psyche into internal dialogues and realities. It’s sort of like having a one-week meditation forced on you. People who try to learn how to meditate often complain about how hard it is to keep from getting distracted. The power of the Meseta or the Nevada desert is that it is almost impossible to get distracted. It’s also almost impossible to hide from yourself. That is the gift of the Camino!

 A professional religious seed planter? Was this the gift I needed to give myself?