The Reluctant Prophet: Two Cultures
Photo by Kris Tian@Kris_Tian
A few years ago I was talking with a friend as I was navigating a difficult ending to a professional ministry position. We were talking about how I had experienced essentially the same dynamic numerous times over my career. I would take a position in a church that stated they were looking for a pastor who could help them grow or attract families or enter a transformational period. Then, a couple of years into it I would discover this same group would put up barriers or show various forms of resistance to the very thing they were saying they wanted. Especially in the early years I had had a “what the hell” reaction. In later years I came to expect it as a normal part of change.
But I was going through it again. And this time the organization was putting up resistance to my call to enter a period of organizational discernment when it became clear they didn’t want what they were saying they wanted. I had hit this organizational crossroads again, but was surprised how it showed up.
I was talking this over with my friend when I suddenly had a realization. The congregational systems and I had completely different emotional make-ups. I was a person who once a decision was made to move toward a goal, attacked it with a furious passion. The congregations I served often showed a cautionary-strategic-take-it-slow approach. I couldn’t figure it out.
Photo by Vitaly Gariev@silverblack
Then it hit me. When I came charging out of my dysfunctional and neglectful childhood I had nothing to lose. I really only had two choices—build a life or emotionally disintegrate into either depression or suicide. I finally realized that the congregations I worked with had lots to lose. All of my congregations were made up of educated upper middle class white people. My members owned homes, had investments, and often served on non-profit boards, city councils and school boards and held influential positions in the community. And the churches themselves had assets ranging from the hundreds of thousands of dollars to a few million dollars. These churches had been the pillars of their neighborhoods and towns for decades, and some, even for more than a century.
It was like a big “Duh!” I was operating out of a “What do we have to lose” type of mentality and energy. They were operating out of a “Let’s be careful. We do want to move forward, but we don’t want to lose what we have.”
I share this with you because I had a great conversation two weeks ago with a colleague and in the course of the conversation we found ourselves agreeing that my experience in the ministry was a sort of clash of cultures. Even though I dedicated myself to ministry I was one of those the church calls “the least of these” (Matthew 25 of the Christian Bible). As a child I was the object of their mission. I was literally saved by the Church.
My “home” just in case!
I loved the Church, but breaking into the professional ministry was a monumental task for me. I put myself through a private college and seminary. And even though I was ordained, creating a stable professional and financial life was difficult. Over the course of my ministry I housesat twice in order to take positions, bought a camper at one point to live in, was in low income housing as a single parent (while serving full-time as a minister) and found myself on food stamps and Obamacare during one gap in positions. I stayed committed to ministry, but the picture was not the typical one.
This dialogue with you is important to me. With your comments and questions I am discovering more about the dynamics that revealed themselves during my career. This “two culture” thing is big and I believe is going to be a thread that will weave its way through much of my book.
Thank you!
P.S. I may be shifting soon from this dialogue to sharing weekly excerpts from the writing I am currently doing on the book. We’ll see. The energy for the dialogue seems to be waning. Getting feedback from friends and colleagues is going well and the writing is really beginning to take off.