Mystic Musings: Lent 3/12
"I am," I said
To no one there
And no one heard at all
Not even the chair
“I am,” I cried
“I am,” said I
And I am lost and I can’t
Even say why
I Am…I Said by Neil Diamond
When Moses asked the voice at the burning bush who was telling him to go into Egypt, the voice replied, “I AM WHO I AM. This is what you are to say to the Israelites: I AM has sent me to you.” (Exodus 3: 14 of the Hebrew Scriptures)
Photo by Brett Jordan @brett_jordan
Neil Diamond describes the clarifying moment (click link) that the lyrics and the melody came to him for the song I Am…I Said. In the midst of his newfound fame he had an existential crisis of deep loneliness, confusion over his identity, and a yearning for a sense of belonging. His breakthrough was this song when he was able to put words to his yearning, acknowledge his feeling of being lost, and accept his existential fear and sadness.
Something happens when we simply acknowledge I AM.
Not this is how I should be.
Not this is who I used to be.
Not this is how I want to be.
Simply, this is who I am and how I am right now.
The path to the future is always through the present. One of the things I discovered in grief counseling is that people often want to take a detour around their grief. “I just want to feel better and get on with my life.” I watched as clients tried to take shortcuts or speed up the process. I often watched those same clients eventually find their way back to “This is how I feel now. This is who I am now. This is my reality now.” And unbelievably, almost miraculously, that moment of radical self-acceptance became the catalyst for the new future they so hungered for.
If you want something different, learn to accept what you have now, and trust what unfolds before you.
Sit quietly. Take deep breaths allowing whatever feelings are hibernating to show their face. As best as you can, try not to run from them, but allow them to permeate your whole body. Ponder these questions:
Are there feelings that you have labeled as bad or negative that you are trying to push aside?
Do you have shoulds that take up a portion of your character?
Do you believe that you are completely okay just as you are?
Finish the sentence, “I am….” with a few descriptors of who you are. Then take ten deep breaths and with each breath repeat, “I AM WHO I AM”. What feelings emerge?